TLDR: Determining if they’re ‘the one’ isn’t as complicated as you might think. Do you trust each other? Can you have hard convos? Do you make each other happy? It all comes down to whether or not you think you can spend every day with this person - during the good times and the bad. Ultimately, trust your gut. You know what’s right for you.
Tango's Take 🔮
Not sure if they’re “the one”? We get it. It’s hard to be 100% sure about anything in life, especially who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. While there are probably many ‘the ones’ out there for each of us, our goal is to help you figure out if your current partner is lifetime material.
Let's see what Dr. Chloe has to say. As a therapist based in NYC, she’s seen a LOT of clients who have been through the gamut of relationships. Here’s her take - with Tango’s twist - on what it feels like to meet “the one.” Hint: it’s not all butterflies and googley eyes.
You trust each other - Trust is in many ways the foundation of your relationship. As you go about life together, you must have faith that this person will support you during the ups and downs.
You respect each other's differences - There’s sometimes a misconception that you should have everything in common with your lifelong partner, whether it’s your culture, religion, political beliefs, or general lifestyle preferences. While that might make things easier, it’s not necessarily required. What’s more important is that you respect each other’s differences. So rather than assessing how similar you are, you might want to think about how well you can agree to disagree.
You can tolerate their flaws - Everyone has flaws. Sometimes, they are things you can get past, other times they aren’t. This is for you to reflect on and decide because remember, people don’t tend to change all that much.
You can fight and make up - Conflict is a normal (and necessary) part of any relationship. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with should be someone you can engage in healthy conflict with. And remember, it’s OK if this takes some time. At first, it might be harder to get back into your groove after a fight. But before you commit to each other for life, you’ll want to ensure that you know how to find each other again after a disagreement.
You have a similar vision for the future - Differences are OK, but you should be generally aligned on your goals for the future. Do you both want children? Are you aligned on whether you’ll live in a city or on a farm? ‘The one’ is usually someone who shares the same broader life goals and dreams.
You make each other happy! - Overall, you’ll want to have more days where you’re happy and excited about each other than frustrated or upset. It’s certainly normal to find yourself in a funk, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but ultimately you should enjoy spending time together!
It's also worth noting that if you're earlier in your relationship, you don't necessarily need to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner right now. Rather, you'll want to reflect on whether this is the person you want to take the next step with - be that meeting each other's families, going on a 1:1 vacation together, moving in together, or whatever comes next. Typically, by the time marriage starts to come into question, you'll have a better sense of whether this is the person for you.
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