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How often should couples have sex?

TLDR: How often you have sex is a personal decision between you and your partner, and we can’t tell you what’s going to work for you. What’s important is that you and your partner have a rhythm that you both feel works well. And part of making sure you’re in alignment is talking about it.

Tango's Take 🔮

Sex is a huge part of relationships, but it’s rarely talked about. And one of the most common questions we get at Tango is related to how often couples should be having sex. But of course, we don’t have a straightforward answer. When it comes to relationships - or really most things in life - there’s no ‘should.’

But we get the sentiment. While we can’t tell you what to do, we can share what research shows. One study surveying over 25,000 couples found that the average American adult has sex 54 times per year, which is just over once per week. Factors such as age, living situation, and marital status impacted frequency rates. But what’s interesting is that while having sex about once per week was correlated with greater relationship well-being, having sex any more than that had no real impact. So perhaps when it comes to sex, less is more?

Not necessarily. Remember, we’re talking about averages here, so we’re not trying to say that once per week is the gold standard. For some, once per week might seem like far too much, and for others that might feel like too little. We recommend testing out different frequencies and keeping an open line of communication about it.

While it might not sound sexy to think so much about how often you’re having sex, it’s important. Think about it like this: do you think about many times per week you want to fit in exercise? Many of us have no problem reflecting on how much and how often we should be investing in our physical health, but when it comes to our sexual health, we choose to wing it. But our sexual health is super important to our overall health and well-being and shouldn’t be neglected.

If you’re looking for some proof, another recent study found that sexual satisfaction was associated with greater overall life satisfaction in older adults. Further, the hormone oxytocin - known as the “love drug” for its quality of deepening feelings of connection - is released during sex and is associated with reduced levels of stress. And for some, it can even lead to better sleep.

Some of you might be thinking that this is all good and great, but you don’t always have time for sex. It turns out you’re not alone. The Gen Z and Millennial generations are actually having less sex than the generations prior. We get it. If you don’t live together, or have little kids, or have hectic jobs, it’s hard to find the time. If this sounds like you, you might want to consider scheduling sex.

We know it sounds like the least romantic thing ever, but we can probably agree that it’s definitely not less romantic than having no sex at all. And if it helps guarantee quality time together, while also taking the pressure off, it might just be the sexiest thing you’ve ever done.

Not sure how to get talking about sex? Start by sending them this poll to get the conversation going 🌶️

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