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How much of your relationship history should you share?

TLDR: It’s up to you. There are no rules for what you do and don’t have to share, so do what feels right. And if you find your partner or yourself prying a little too much, consider whether you’re crossing over from curiosity into jealousy. If you find it’s jealousy, you may want to take a step back as sometimes more information isn’t necessarily going to make you feel better.

Tango's Take 🔮

Relationships are all about sharing your life with someone else, which often means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and past experiences. But sometimes you might find yourself wondering how much sharing is too much sharing. You are your own person, and you’re entitled to have some privacy, especially when it comes to your past. Read on for the perspective from our in-house relationship expert and licensed psychologist, Dr. Rothman.

“As with many of Tango’s Takes, there is no definitive answer to the question of how much we should or shouldn’t be sharing of our past with our significant other. If there are things you want your partner to know, you should tell them. If they don’t take it well, talk about that. Maybe it stirs something up about their own past, in which case, that’s important information for you to know as their current partner. When it comes to details, ask your partner how they feel about hearing them, and make a decision from there. If it feels important to you, say it. If it doesn’t, follow your gut.

It is worth noting that there is a fine line between curiosity and jealousy. Sometimes when we experience jealousy we want to know a lot of detail about what our partner has/hasn’t done in the past. If you find yourself digging for details of your SO’s past, check in with yourself–where is that coming from? If it’s pure curiosity, proceed. If it’s a hint of (or a lot of) jealousy, proceed with caution or maybe refrain from pushing for detail. We cannot unlearn or unhear what we’ve already learned or heard.”

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